An Open Letter to David Kahn

Mr. Kahn,

We here at the Beef have frequently poked fun at you and your decisions and often invoking Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan at your expense. For this, we shall not apologize. However, this is not a time for humor. This is a time to speak frankly and seriously. We know you had low expectations for your team this year as you made them clear in your whole newspaper ad. Yet, no one could have imagined that you set the bar so low.

This season, even after just five games, it looks like the Timberwolves clearly want to be the worst team in the NBA. Your team was mercilessly slaughtered Wednesday night at Orlando 128-86 in what was the team’s worst defeat in its history. The night before it was the same story in Miami as the Timberwolves lost 129-97. Sure these teams in Florida are good but this is simply unacceptable, Mr. Kahn.

The moves that you made this summer were somehow supposed to help your team, or at least you thought so. Most everyone else questioned your decisions wholeheartedly (this is where Star Trek II is most often invoked, namely Admiral Kirk yelling “KHAAAAAN”). Despite being one of the best rebounding teams in the league, your squad repeatedly scrapes near the bottom of the barrel. Currently, the Timberwolves rank 23rd out of 30 in points per game and are 29th in opponent’s points per game. That is not a recipe for success. To add to those pathetic numbers, your team has an offensive rating of 95, the lowest in the league with a defensive rating of 111.5 which is ranked 26th. If you have plans on winning more than the Nets did last year something must be done and fast.

Fire Kurt Rambis. That is just the first step that needs to be taken. He is obviously not getting the most out of his players with the numbers they are producing, or not producing in their case. he is only playing Kevin Love, the team’s best player by a long shot, an average of 26.4 minutes a game. The best player on the team basically plays Yao Ming minutes! This is unacceptable! Why would any coach harness the talents of his best player? It does not make sense and therefore the Wolves will continue to lose.

Next, you must trade Kevin Love. Hell, you already traded your best player once, why not do it to his successor? We here at the Beef want to see Love succeed and he deserves better than what you can offer him in Minnesota. Free Love! Your team is already one of the youngest in the league so why not get some more young “talent” by trading Love? Who am I kidding, you will probably let him go for a second round draft pick and a hoagie. If you are lucky the other team might throw in some Cirque du Soleil tickets in the deal as well.

Your season is over just five games into the season. I wish this was not the case but sadly it is. “So will we challenge for the NBA championship this year? Not likely.” You wrote these words, or had someone write them for you, Mr. Kahn. This is how it should have read, “So will we challenge for third place in the Northwest Division this year? Hahahaha!Hell no! If you thought we had a chance to win more games than we did last year then please pass that shit you’re smoking because I want some of that. Whoever said anything about champion must have dropped a ton of acid.” You and your team are the doorstop of the league. Do something, do anything before you alone convince David Stern that the Timberwolves should be contracted.

Sincerely,

The Kobe Beef

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