While you were out burning your ruined NCAA bracket, here at the Kobe Beef, we were tallying up some of the ridiculous things that happened in the NBA (so far) this season. The list is quite impressive and chock full of stupidity (and no, I’m not talking about the Bucks being in playoff contention without Michael Redd). It’s an overpaid, under aged, overhyped and often under-hyped league. So, whatever happens, just so happens to be something ridiculous (even here at the Beef we understand that yes, the NBA is mostly made up of millionaires that act like teenagers). So while this year’s college tourney saw a record number of upsets, this year’s NBA season saw a record number of WTF moments. Enjoy.
The Spurs score 147 points? Yes, you read that right. Granted, it was against the Warriors. Yesterday, the Spurs completely mollywopped Golden State in San Antonio 147-116. It was the highest the Spurs had scored since Popovich took over in 1996 and extends their winning streak against the Warriors in San Antonio that goes back to 1997. Eight Spurs scored in double figures including Manu (Mr. Flops) Ginobili with 23 and Richard Jefferson with 21. The team accounted for 39 assists and only nine turnovers. The Warriors’ Monta Ellis went on to score 39 points and Corey Maggette added another 30. Their efforts however, were in vain in this complete and total route. Congratulations San Antonio, you dropped a bomb on the NBA’s worst defense. If Don Nelson ever wants to make the playoffs again with this team, he needs to work a little bit of defense into their game plan.
Next, we have Starbury in China. Again, you heard that right. Last season Stephan Marbury averaged a measly 3 points a game in Boston after keeping the bench nice and warm for the cold Knicks under Mike (I don’t give a shit about defense either) D’antoni. So, in January he decided to take his game elsewhere. The current trend for players is Europe but Marbury isn’t your average player. He took his game to China and agreed to play for the Shanxi Brave Dragons for only $25,000 a month. Since, he has asked for an addition $2 million. I guess his shoes aren’t selling as well as he hoped for over there. Marbury averaged 23 points, nine assists and six rebounds a game but failed to help the Dragons make the playoffs.
After nearly a 17-year hiatus, we have the return of a game we all grew up with. NBA Jam’s huge pixels first hit our televisions in 1993. While the game didn’t have Jordan on the Bulls due to his brief and embarrassing stint with baseball, the game had its moments. Flaming basketballs and impressive aerial displays during dunks kept us entertained for hours. Well, now it’s making a comeback. Here at the Beef, we haven’t tested it yet but I’m sure we’ll enjoy starting LeBron James over Mark Price for the Cavs any day. We are hoping that this one surpasses the last one since they had nearly two decades to make it.
Memphis has been known for great draft picks that have turned this perennial loser into one that was competing for a playoff spot in the West earlier this season. However, all of my respect for Chris Wallace disappeared when the Griz selected Hasheem Thabeet second overall in the 2009 NBA Draft. The 7 foot 3 center has only averaged three points and three rebounds a game. However, the Grizzlies are undefeated when he scores nine or more points. Sadly, that has only happened three times this season. Thabeet is the perfect example of scouting gone wrong since it was apparent during his time at UConn that he was out of shape and lacked any sort of hand-eye coordination. The center bumbles with the ball and only dominated in college due to his sheer size. Memphis finally realized this in late February when they sent the overgrown abomination down to the D-League. This made Thabeet the highest draft pick ever to be sent down. He has since returned and his minutes have picked up due to Marc Gasol’s injury. However, his stats are still embarrassing.
The drama isn’t just for the daytime shows. It occurs every night on the hardwood of the court and the shiny marble floors of these players’ mansions. It stretches from the cushioned seats in various arenas to the leather interiors of the All-Stars’ Escalades. You can’t escape it and seriously, why would you ever want to? It turns this sport into a 24-hour, 365-day drama machine that keeps on delivering. Who needs reality TV when you have the NBA?